Pre-marathon jitters

11 days til the marathon and I'm freaking out.  I'm not doing what I know that I should do.  I ran 2.6 miles on Sunday and I stopped the second I felt a tiny bit of pain, even with both knees taped up.  I am not icing or foam rolling like I should.  Add an extra layer of anxiety: my 39th birthday is Friday.  Like in 2 days Friday.

I said a week ago I think that I would blog every day up until the marathon.  I thought this would keep me focused.  But I am absolutely freaking out!  Freaking out about the training that I've missed, beating myself for running too hard at the 18 mile Marathon Tune Up, and obsessing over everything I could have done differently leading up til now.  What's done is done, and my attitude does not help.  I know this in my rational mind, yet I can't stop.  And having a pity party about feeling old doesn't help either.

I've ran 18 miles as my longest run.  I've built up my base.  Now just try really hard not to be injured 11 days from now.

I'm also quietly freaking out on the inside about a couple other things that I don't really want to share on the internet.  

Maybe I need more yoga in my life.  I went to hot yoga the past 2 weekends and felt great.  If someone would open a gym and a hot yoga studio within 2 blocks of my house, this would really help combat the winter blues.

I did find a great website with tons of information and advise about running your first marathon, and all about the NY Marathon: http://www.runarweb.com/index_e.php. 

I still don't know what I am going to wear.  The weather looks like it will be low of mid 40s and high of mid 50s.

I have been thinking about the various devices that I need to charge. Will I wear earphones?  The crowds and bands along the route are supposed to be amazing and motivational.  I really need new music and playlists, I'm open to suggestions.

I can't see putting myself through this again.  Especially next year, so close to my 40th birthday.  Why the hell do I put myself through this?  All this time, effort, money, pain, and anxiety!  (I did take the time to look up the chances of gaining entry by lottery which is 8-10% and I did check out the half marathon times for qualifying which I am nowhere near close.)

I promised myself and my fiancé that after this, I will chill out.  No more new projects, classes, sporting events, for at least a little while.  Which is not a specific unit of time, and is subjective.  I have to admit, I am already secretly planning to conquer conversational spanish and my great return to knitting so I can make wardrobes for my doggies.  I keep pushing myself and pushing myself and pushing myself. 

Am I any different or better than a workaholic?

What is my point?

Really need to reasses some goals after this.